I’m sitting here in my cubicle on Tuesday morning in tears not knowing which way to go. For some time the impatience that resides within me, mixed with fear and hatred for the unknown does not let me breathe, yet alone live. I for one hate surprises, wishing that nothing in this green Earth was ever a surprise. That every time I opened my eyes I knew exactly what was going to happen down to the very last line. Except, as you all may realize, this is not only boring but ridiculous.
I am holding on to the strap of this bucking bull I call my life. And as the bucking intensifies I’m hanging on tight. I can see the blood trickle down the side of my hand as the strap cuts into my skin. I can feel the burn as the strap digs into my palm. The feeling of desperation has moved in to my wrist and up my arm. My shoulder begins to tighten and the pain begins to intensify. I tighten my jaw and hold on for dear life because I’ll be dammed if this bull throws me off.
My heart ache is so colored with darkness. I cannot regain control of all these things that are happening. I sit here in silence feeling completely defeated as the tears begin to roll down my face and unto my polo. I am forced to act and react to all these things around me. I’m unable to understand for myself the things that others seem to see about me.
I cry tears of frustration, of rejection, of hurt, pain and suffering that only I know. I give in to the idea that maybe it is the end of the road and I need to let go. I’ve been trying to create this love, mold this love, nurture this love, and force this love that does not want to happen. If it was going to happen, if it wanted to happen, it would have already happened. But it hasn’t happened. Since it is not going to happen I ask you that you let me go. Please let me leave. Allow me to turn around, without you grabbing my arm while looking at me blankly and not saying anything. The words I expect and want to hear never come out. All I get is that inexplicable fuken look on your face that confuses me and gives me false hope. I want to believe that you want me here, that you love me and want me near. But the truth is you don’t want me, need me, nor love me. So let me go!!
There is no explanation for this pain, there is no real reason to hold on to this hope. See, the problem is that while I wait for you to find some time for me you can’t. I find out that the reason is because you are giving it to someone else. And while I think you are sleeping and should be resting, you are on the phone with someone else. Meanwhile, the last time I heard your voice has been so long ago I don’t even remember. You don’t talk to me, you don’t text me, you don’t write me, you don’t visit me, you don’t come find me, you don’t need me, you DON’T WANT ME!
It’s coming to terms with that fact that isn’t easy. But why do I always want to hold on to someone that does not want me touching them to begin with? For the simple reason that I rather fight with you over the crumbs you give me then not have anyone to argue with at all. And if I once loved you, I don’t remember. Now, it’s just my need to hold on to you for nothing. Hold on to you for the sake of having someone to talk to me. Well get this, I’ve hit a financial barrier and the cell phone wont be paid for. There will be no place to call me. Now, the only way you can see me is if you pull out that one picture you have of me. And I for once will be in control of nothing. Cause in reality I’ve never had you. The sooner I come to terms with that, the sooner I will get better.
I have to make my hard headed heart understand that YOU DON’T WANT ME!!
But I think what kills me most is that you prefer someone else to me. How or why is beyond me. But that’s how it is. And because I love you I really hope she makes you happy. Gives you the happiness you can’t find with me. So be it! I eventually will stop feeling this love, this hurt, this stubborn need for you. And the right person will soon enough find me and I will be loved how I deserve with all the love I deserve. With all the love you didn’t want to give me.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
bytch where is u goin?
whitney8612why dis bytch got some go go boots on outside? bytch where is u goin? Lmao
I love twitter for many reasons. But the number one reason is the randomness of it all. The people that are on twitter are from many walks of life. They are students, professors, professionals, jerks, idiots, yuppies, pretenders, absorbers, illogicals, ignoramuses and all sorts of other types of people. This of course makes for very fun, funny, random and hilarious conversation.
Take for instance the quote above. It was from one of my followers or I’m following her, I’m not quite sure which one is it right now. But the point is we talk on twitter and we communicate back and forth. I responded to this question because it was just so fucking funny I couldn’t stop laughing. I mean the whole quote itself is funny but my favorite part is BYTCH WERE IS U GOIN? LMAO…If you have never heard the way slang is spoken in the hood then you cannot appreciate how these words probably came out of this girls mouth.
I for one can totally hear the question and mockery in her voice. She is not so much questioning where this other woman is going, but where is she going dressed like that. Or better yet, what makes you think that you look good dressed like that and if it will even be appropriate once you get to your destination? Better yet, how do you think others perceive you at that moment? What is this woman thinking, planning, feeling, or just plain old tasting at this moment in time?
Why is she dressed like this is probably completely irrelevant. What were you thinking when you put this on is probably the most appropriate question. That is why this quote is so fucking funny, because the question is not WHERE ARE YOU GOING? But WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? Do you not realize that in order to get from point A to point B you were going to have to pass my face too? That is what makes this even more comical still.
Where is you going? It doesn’t even have to be grammatically correct, it just has to be, because if you knew how women talked in the hood, you would be saying it just like it
Is said. The beauty of it is, that it’s a legitimate question. And it deserves an answer.
Maybe not a truthful answer, but an answer nonetheless….
I love twitter for many reasons. But the number one reason is the randomness of it all. The people that are on twitter are from many walks of life. They are students, professors, professionals, jerks, idiots, yuppies, pretenders, absorbers, illogicals, ignoramuses and all sorts of other types of people. This of course makes for very fun, funny, random and hilarious conversation.
Take for instance the quote above. It was from one of my followers or I’m following her, I’m not quite sure which one is it right now. But the point is we talk on twitter and we communicate back and forth. I responded to this question because it was just so fucking funny I couldn’t stop laughing. I mean the whole quote itself is funny but my favorite part is BYTCH WERE IS U GOIN? LMAO…If you have never heard the way slang is spoken in the hood then you cannot appreciate how these words probably came out of this girls mouth.
I for one can totally hear the question and mockery in her voice. She is not so much questioning where this other woman is going, but where is she going dressed like that. Or better yet, what makes you think that you look good dressed like that and if it will even be appropriate once you get to your destination? Better yet, how do you think others perceive you at that moment? What is this woman thinking, planning, feeling, or just plain old tasting at this moment in time?
Why is she dressed like this is probably completely irrelevant. What were you thinking when you put this on is probably the most appropriate question. That is why this quote is so fucking funny, because the question is not WHERE ARE YOU GOING? But WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? Do you not realize that in order to get from point A to point B you were going to have to pass my face too? That is what makes this even more comical still.
Where is you going? It doesn’t even have to be grammatically correct, it just has to be, because if you knew how women talked in the hood, you would be saying it just like it
Is said. The beauty of it is, that it’s a legitimate question. And it deserves an answer.
Maybe not a truthful answer, but an answer nonetheless….
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
my early life
Here we go again. Tomorrow is my birthday. This is such a weird and exhilarating feeling knowing that I have been alive for 33 years now. I made my appearance on Sunday June 13, 1976 at 12:15pm to a young mother of 16. It was a turbulent and painful episode for my mother since my father made himself disappear, making it abundantly clear he did not want the responsibility of caring and raising a child. Now, the man she loved had left her and disowned the child she thought would bring them closer together. Unfortunately, being a teenager she had a very romantic idea of love and sex and children. My father being an asshole only wanted her for his sexual pleasure. As soon as he realized she was pregnant made it very clear he doubted the child was his or that he even wanted any part in the rearing even if it was.
This event scarred my mother for life. She doubted everything about love, marriage and life partners forever. My mother later married a man eight years her senior, whom she did not love and made him absolutely miserable with her coldness and lack of interest. Hindsight is 20/20 and now she wishes she had not forced herself to accept this poor man that did at one time love her and care for. Now their relationship is of hate, disdain, misunderstandings and miserable rapprochements. Understandably my stepfather feels jaded, used and never loved. The strange part is that my mother did eventually learn to love and care for him but like the saying goes, “it was too little too late.”
I’ve talked to my mother many times about this episode in her life and she admits to being naive, simple minded and unproductive in her decision. She not only harmed herself, but the lives of five other people in the process because my brothers and sister did not escape unscathed. We were all witness to the strangeness in the relationship between our parents. Dad was absent in mind and spirit and mom was aloof and distant. Neither of them tried to understand the other. Neither of them could ever forgive the other. And neither ever really found out the truth about the extent of the deceit of the other.
My father stayed with my mother because he had a responsibility to the children he had fathered with her and always felt he had to care for them no matter what. He also had to contest with the demons of his own childhood full of lack and loveless upbringing. A man whose own father had left the household because he did not feel the attachment to the family he had procreated, my father would not do the same to his own children.
I wish my parents would have realized early in life that they did not need to stay together for the children, releasing us from a very painful guilt that we still carry to this day. We are all well aware that our parents did not love each other, or at least that mom never loved dad as much as he loved her. It is quite unfortunate that two wonderful people did not find the person they were meant to be with because they were too busy conforming to society.
I've tried all sorts of things to get my mind right and back on track. I have done very productive work in forgiving and forgetting about those painful childhood memories of our family. I have tried and been successful at letting go of the bitterness that engulfed me when I thought of the things that made me angry towards my mother. And in all this self discovery and trying to find peace and some balming for my soul and my heart broken self I found out that many of the painful memories I held on to were just actions that took place and I misunderstood at the time. As a child I took very personally my mother's rejection. I felt as if my mother did not love me when she sent me away because she was busy or she was upset about something. Looking back at those memories I see a completely different picture. I no longer look at my mother with the sad and lonely child that I was at that time but as an adult. And with my adult eyes I look at her experience and wonder how this young woman ever kept her sanity raising four children with a distant husband in the midst of poverty and uncertainty looming over her head. It is no surprise to me that she fell into deep depressions from time to time. It is no surprise that she could hardly cope sometimes with the cruel reality that surrounded her and how she had to do everything she could to keep her children fed, sheltered and clothed.
My mother was not the perfect woman, but she was a perfect human in an imperfect world. Mom did things with very little money and we never had our electricity cut off, or our gas. We always had food and mom fed us very well, we always had dinner together. And there was not a day mom said we are not eating tonight because we don't have food. Mom knew how to budget, knew how to shop and knew how to save. When my parents moved from New Jersey to Oregon they walked out of there literally with thousands of dollars. How she did it? Only she knows. One thing I know, we did not lack. We did have to fall in line and sacrifice, but we did not lack.
I unfortunately have had to learn allot of these things on my own now that I am older. Mom was not a very good teacher, she has always been very impatient, therefore she never showed us how many things in the house worked. All the children now suffer some sort of maladjustment to the real world. So I guess in a sense we were very sheltered when it came to knowing what things were and were not available.
I am very grateful for the parents I chose. And for them agreeing to help me make my appearance. My biological father is somewhere and although I say I do not care where he is I actually do. But I don't think I will ever move a finger to go out and find him. My stepfather is a very nice man, not the brightest crayon in the box when it comes to child rearing but who is? I know I suck at parenting and its my own child. So be it. I will somehow somewhere come across the knowledge that I need to improve on myself every step of the way. All of these people in my life have in fact taught me something and for that I am grateful. And if they don't teach me anything, at least they help me enhance my patience and my need for answers.
In truth, this journey is exciting, exhilarating and of course inconclusive. I will never stop learning, loving and laughing and living. I will always look for answers and listen for answers anywhere I might be able to find them. In advance I thank you for being in my existence.
Live, Laugh, Love!!
This event scarred my mother for life. She doubted everything about love, marriage and life partners forever. My mother later married a man eight years her senior, whom she did not love and made him absolutely miserable with her coldness and lack of interest. Hindsight is 20/20 and now she wishes she had not forced herself to accept this poor man that did at one time love her and care for. Now their relationship is of hate, disdain, misunderstandings and miserable rapprochements. Understandably my stepfather feels jaded, used and never loved. The strange part is that my mother did eventually learn to love and care for him but like the saying goes, “it was too little too late.”
I’ve talked to my mother many times about this episode in her life and she admits to being naive, simple minded and unproductive in her decision. She not only harmed herself, but the lives of five other people in the process because my brothers and sister did not escape unscathed. We were all witness to the strangeness in the relationship between our parents. Dad was absent in mind and spirit and mom was aloof and distant. Neither of them tried to understand the other. Neither of them could ever forgive the other. And neither ever really found out the truth about the extent of the deceit of the other.
My father stayed with my mother because he had a responsibility to the children he had fathered with her and always felt he had to care for them no matter what. He also had to contest with the demons of his own childhood full of lack and loveless upbringing. A man whose own father had left the household because he did not feel the attachment to the family he had procreated, my father would not do the same to his own children.
I wish my parents would have realized early in life that they did not need to stay together for the children, releasing us from a very painful guilt that we still carry to this day. We are all well aware that our parents did not love each other, or at least that mom never loved dad as much as he loved her. It is quite unfortunate that two wonderful people did not find the person they were meant to be with because they were too busy conforming to society.
I've tried all sorts of things to get my mind right and back on track. I have done very productive work in forgiving and forgetting about those painful childhood memories of our family. I have tried and been successful at letting go of the bitterness that engulfed me when I thought of the things that made me angry towards my mother. And in all this self discovery and trying to find peace and some balming for my soul and my heart broken self I found out that many of the painful memories I held on to were just actions that took place and I misunderstood at the time. As a child I took very personally my mother's rejection. I felt as if my mother did not love me when she sent me away because she was busy or she was upset about something. Looking back at those memories I see a completely different picture. I no longer look at my mother with the sad and lonely child that I was at that time but as an adult. And with my adult eyes I look at her experience and wonder how this young woman ever kept her sanity raising four children with a distant husband in the midst of poverty and uncertainty looming over her head. It is no surprise to me that she fell into deep depressions from time to time. It is no surprise that she could hardly cope sometimes with the cruel reality that surrounded her and how she had to do everything she could to keep her children fed, sheltered and clothed.
My mother was not the perfect woman, but she was a perfect human in an imperfect world. Mom did things with very little money and we never had our electricity cut off, or our gas. We always had food and mom fed us very well, we always had dinner together. And there was not a day mom said we are not eating tonight because we don't have food. Mom knew how to budget, knew how to shop and knew how to save. When my parents moved from New Jersey to Oregon they walked out of there literally with thousands of dollars. How she did it? Only she knows. One thing I know, we did not lack. We did have to fall in line and sacrifice, but we did not lack.
I unfortunately have had to learn allot of these things on my own now that I am older. Mom was not a very good teacher, she has always been very impatient, therefore she never showed us how many things in the house worked. All the children now suffer some sort of maladjustment to the real world. So I guess in a sense we were very sheltered when it came to knowing what things were and were not available.
I am very grateful for the parents I chose. And for them agreeing to help me make my appearance. My biological father is somewhere and although I say I do not care where he is I actually do. But I don't think I will ever move a finger to go out and find him. My stepfather is a very nice man, not the brightest crayon in the box when it comes to child rearing but who is? I know I suck at parenting and its my own child. So be it. I will somehow somewhere come across the knowledge that I need to improve on myself every step of the way. All of these people in my life have in fact taught me something and for that I am grateful. And if they don't teach me anything, at least they help me enhance my patience and my need for answers.
In truth, this journey is exciting, exhilarating and of course inconclusive. I will never stop learning, loving and laughing and living. I will always look for answers and listen for answers anywhere I might be able to find them. In advance I thank you for being in my existence.
Live, Laugh, Love!!
Friday, June 5, 2009
Fornication is a Misdemeanor...Adultery is a Felony
I was having a discussion with a friend, who shall remain nameless, unless I am forced by some unforeseen necessity to reveal the name, the difference between Fornication and Adultery.
I was trying to explain to my dear friend that Fornication is a Misdemeanor, if taken contextually its from the Latin meaning "you don't know how to act." Where as Adultery is a Felony, derived from the same language meaning "you got caught and you need someone else to help you lie." This is where lawyers come in handy, cause them sons of bitches are great liars, I mean lawyers.
So here is the discussion with my friend as it went down, almost semi-verbatim, cause I hardly ever deviate from the path once I am on it.
Me: You know if you go out with this person you are not going to be able to contain yourself.
Friend: I'm going to be fine, its just two friends getting together to have some fun.
Me: Aha, fun that involves handcuffs and whipped cream is either at the circus or in a hotel room.
Friend: The latter...giggle giggle..
Me: You do remember you are married right? Maybe not happily, but married.
Friend: I already told you we are just going to go out and hang out and have fun. Nothing is going to happen, we both know that.
I am going to make a break here, because it is important for me to mention that these two have engaged in a highly sexual relationship via Internet and telephone. So they are already cheating, if in mind. Cause you can't tell me that all those comments filled with innuendo and cheesy smiles and giggles are not going beyond the usual contact of friends?
And just the fact that you have to have someone keep reminding you that your ass is married is bad enough as it is, and looks bad too. So back to the dialog
Me:Ok, so you have both agreed to keep your hands off each other. Even though your friend is spending all this money on getting a room, going for dinner, hanging out with you for an untold amount of hours? Cause you know you told the spouse that you were just going to run some errands all day and what not, so on and so forth. And nothing is going to happen?
Friend: Yes!
Me: Are you stupid or delusional or both? Cause there is no way in hell this person does not have an ulterior motive to all of this spending.
Friend: NO!! We are just friends. And I need to get away from you know who and all that stupid shit that has been broiling around the house. I can't take it anymore and I will end up on the news if I don't do something quick.
Me: Aha, so cheating is your "quick fix"?
Friend: (laughs nervously) I am not cheating...jajajajaja...more nervous laughter.
Me:Yeah motherfucker, you ain't cheating, but once your eyes get all glossed over and starry eyed cause you have not been touched appropriately in the past few weeks, we will see how you react. We will see who is just friends and who is just trying to hang out and de-stress.
Friend: What you don't think I have any self control? I love you know who, I'm just trying to see my friend I have not seen in a little while. (giggles) But you know who is highly jealous. What am I going to say, I'm going to go hang out with my friend who is hotter then you and wants me just as bad? What are you stupid!?!?
Me: YOU ARE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL!! Don't pass go, don't collect $200, none of that. Forget the handcart and the basket. You are more in the BEAM ME DOWN SATAN, mode of transportation to hell. Cause this shit is not going to end well.
Friend: Oh yeah, like you should talk. Should I remind you of all the shit you have done to all the ones on your roster?
Me: Ah, that's different. I was never married to any of them. We were just friends, lovers, friends with benefits, partners and whatever else you want to call them, but never a spouse.
I was fornicating and in the great book of humanity that my friend is a MIS-DE-MEANOR!
Friend: What!! What the hell kind of idea have you come up with this time?
Me: Yes, fornicating is a misdemeanor. I do not know how to act. See, break it down, Mis (not being able to do something) DEMEANOR (the way I look to others.) So I missed the right way to present myself to others.
Friend: You are retarded!!
Me: No, you're just mad cause I make sense.
Friend: Aha, so what am I doing?
Me: You my friend are committing a FELONY!
Friend: A FE- WHAT!?!?!?
Me: Yes, a FELONY. Cause, being married binds you to the law of man. So now you have to act appropriately. And when you get caught slipping, all sorts of stuff starts happening to you. For which you need someone else to help you keep your story straight. Hence a highly paid very so much powerful attorney. A professional LIAR aka Lawyer.
Friend: That would be you, right?
Me: Hell no!! You ain't taking me down with you? You know what would happen to me if you know who found out I was even aware that something fishy was going on? NO!!
Friend: Oh come on, you wouldn't cover for me?
Me: I would cover for you. But I am not taking the fall with you. Hell no!!
Friend: What the hell!?!?!?
Me: I told you when you first started getting chummy with that other sap to be careful cause you were going to like the attention. And you said you would handle it.
Friend: I am handling it!
Me: Ah no, you have just dribbled out of bounds! And you are going to get the whistle any minute now.
Friend: No one is blowing the whistle, unless you snitch on me. And you're not going to snitch right? RIGHT?!!?!?
Man, I hate that look, the one that says "YOU BETTER COVER ME NO MATTER WHAT"! Thank God we were having this conversation over the phone, cause then I would not be busted crossing my fingers, my legs and my toes. I will cover for you alright, I thought within me. Hell no! You is on yo own buster! (hehehehehe) Ok, not really, I would totally cover, but what the hell? I thought people were supposed to be faithful to their spouses. Of course, this particular spouse has been on a stupid trip for a few weeks now. I am not even married to this jackass and I'm going crazy with the situation. Notwithstanding that we are friends as well, so I almost feel like I'm cheating too, cause I'm not telling. But you know what, Fuck it! I was friends with the other one way first. So I guess I have to pick a team. Except, the team has already been chosen for me. And I cannot change jerseys now. Oh well!!
The conversation ended with a "wont do anything you wouldn't do". Holy cow!! This is not going to end well, cause you are asking the wrong person for a moral compass. You should already know that mine broke, I left it in the drawer, never went back for it, and keep forgetting to take it to be fixed. So therefore, I have no moral compass. This is going to end in tragedy! Oh oh!!
Yeah, okay, its a bit mellow dramatic, but think about it. How would you feel if your spouse was sort of kinda cheating on you, if not physically, at least in thought? Wouldn't you want someone to let you know? What if this other person turns out to be so much better then you, you wouldn't want to be blind sided right? Then straighten your ass up and find out if you are being a good husband or wife to your spouse. And if he or she rolls their eyes at you take that as a hint that you are an annoying ass partner and you need to get it together or you're going to get put out by the curb with the black trash bin and the blue recycle bin. And trust me women can smell a loser a mile away. So no one, and I mean no one is going to pick you up from that place. You are going to have to find your way unto a clean spot and start looking and smelling half decent. But if you're ex is like any other women I know, you have officially been black balled and the best thing for you to do is move to another state all together. Because all the broads in this state know you are damaged goods.
As for Fornication, people let's be discreet. Learn to act properly so you can make it to the big leagues and get MARRIED. And if you are stuck in the minors for a little while, at least look a desirable replacement for one FELONIOUS ex major player. If you have already committed the felony of adultery, it is hard to redeem yourself. But hey, some owners are more forgiving then others, especially when you have little fans at home. They might just keep you around cause the stands are full. But if all you have is a cat or a dog, then kiss your majors contract goodbye.
p.s. I hope you are aware that when I said from the Latin, I meant it in jest. I am not THAT retarded. I do not speak Latin, but I know that much.
I was trying to explain to my dear friend that Fornication is a Misdemeanor, if taken contextually its from the Latin meaning "you don't know how to act." Where as Adultery is a Felony, derived from the same language meaning "you got caught and you need someone else to help you lie." This is where lawyers come in handy, cause them sons of bitches are great liars, I mean lawyers.
So here is the discussion with my friend as it went down, almost semi-verbatim, cause I hardly ever deviate from the path once I am on it.
Me: You know if you go out with this person you are not going to be able to contain yourself.
Friend: I'm going to be fine, its just two friends getting together to have some fun.
Me: Aha, fun that involves handcuffs and whipped cream is either at the circus or in a hotel room.
Friend: The latter...giggle giggle..
Me: You do remember you are married right? Maybe not happily, but married.
Friend: I already told you we are just going to go out and hang out and have fun. Nothing is going to happen, we both know that.
I am going to make a break here, because it is important for me to mention that these two have engaged in a highly sexual relationship via Internet and telephone. So they are already cheating, if in mind. Cause you can't tell me that all those comments filled with innuendo and cheesy smiles and giggles are not going beyond the usual contact of friends?
And just the fact that you have to have someone keep reminding you that your ass is married is bad enough as it is, and looks bad too. So back to the dialog
Me:Ok, so you have both agreed to keep your hands off each other. Even though your friend is spending all this money on getting a room, going for dinner, hanging out with you for an untold amount of hours? Cause you know you told the spouse that you were just going to run some errands all day and what not, so on and so forth. And nothing is going to happen?
Friend: Yes!
Me: Are you stupid or delusional or both? Cause there is no way in hell this person does not have an ulterior motive to all of this spending.
Friend: NO!! We are just friends. And I need to get away from you know who and all that stupid shit that has been broiling around the house. I can't take it anymore and I will end up on the news if I don't do something quick.
Me: Aha, so cheating is your "quick fix"?
Friend: (laughs nervously) I am not cheating...jajajajaja...more nervous laughter.
Me:Yeah motherfucker, you ain't cheating, but once your eyes get all glossed over and starry eyed cause you have not been touched appropriately in the past few weeks, we will see how you react. We will see who is just friends and who is just trying to hang out and de-stress.
Friend: What you don't think I have any self control? I love you know who, I'm just trying to see my friend I have not seen in a little while. (giggles) But you know who is highly jealous. What am I going to say, I'm going to go hang out with my friend who is hotter then you and wants me just as bad? What are you stupid!?!?
Me: YOU ARE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL!! Don't pass go, don't collect $200, none of that. Forget the handcart and the basket. You are more in the BEAM ME DOWN SATAN, mode of transportation to hell. Cause this shit is not going to end well.
Friend: Oh yeah, like you should talk. Should I remind you of all the shit you have done to all the ones on your roster?
Me: Ah, that's different. I was never married to any of them. We were just friends, lovers, friends with benefits, partners and whatever else you want to call them, but never a spouse.
I was fornicating and in the great book of humanity that my friend is a MIS-DE-MEANOR!
Friend: What!! What the hell kind of idea have you come up with this time?
Me: Yes, fornicating is a misdemeanor. I do not know how to act. See, break it down, Mis (not being able to do something) DEMEANOR (the way I look to others.) So I missed the right way to present myself to others.
Friend: You are retarded!!
Me: No, you're just mad cause I make sense.
Friend: Aha, so what am I doing?
Me: You my friend are committing a FELONY!
Friend: A FE- WHAT!?!?!?
Me: Yes, a FELONY. Cause, being married binds you to the law of man. So now you have to act appropriately. And when you get caught slipping, all sorts of stuff starts happening to you. For which you need someone else to help you keep your story straight. Hence a highly paid very so much powerful attorney. A professional LIAR aka Lawyer.
Friend: That would be you, right?
Me: Hell no!! You ain't taking me down with you? You know what would happen to me if you know who found out I was even aware that something fishy was going on? NO!!
Friend: Oh come on, you wouldn't cover for me?
Me: I would cover for you. But I am not taking the fall with you. Hell no!!
Friend: What the hell!?!?!?
Me: I told you when you first started getting chummy with that other sap to be careful cause you were going to like the attention. And you said you would handle it.
Friend: I am handling it!
Me: Ah no, you have just dribbled out of bounds! And you are going to get the whistle any minute now.
Friend: No one is blowing the whistle, unless you snitch on me. And you're not going to snitch right? RIGHT?!!?!?
Man, I hate that look, the one that says "YOU BETTER COVER ME NO MATTER WHAT"! Thank God we were having this conversation over the phone, cause then I would not be busted crossing my fingers, my legs and my toes. I will cover for you alright, I thought within me. Hell no! You is on yo own buster! (hehehehehe) Ok, not really, I would totally cover, but what the hell? I thought people were supposed to be faithful to their spouses. Of course, this particular spouse has been on a stupid trip for a few weeks now. I am not even married to this jackass and I'm going crazy with the situation. Notwithstanding that we are friends as well, so I almost feel like I'm cheating too, cause I'm not telling. But you know what, Fuck it! I was friends with the other one way first. So I guess I have to pick a team. Except, the team has already been chosen for me. And I cannot change jerseys now. Oh well!!
The conversation ended with a "wont do anything you wouldn't do". Holy cow!! This is not going to end well, cause you are asking the wrong person for a moral compass. You should already know that mine broke, I left it in the drawer, never went back for it, and keep forgetting to take it to be fixed. So therefore, I have no moral compass. This is going to end in tragedy! Oh oh!!
Yeah, okay, its a bit mellow dramatic, but think about it. How would you feel if your spouse was sort of kinda cheating on you, if not physically, at least in thought? Wouldn't you want someone to let you know? What if this other person turns out to be so much better then you, you wouldn't want to be blind sided right? Then straighten your ass up and find out if you are being a good husband or wife to your spouse. And if he or she rolls their eyes at you take that as a hint that you are an annoying ass partner and you need to get it together or you're going to get put out by the curb with the black trash bin and the blue recycle bin. And trust me women can smell a loser a mile away. So no one, and I mean no one is going to pick you up from that place. You are going to have to find your way unto a clean spot and start looking and smelling half decent. But if you're ex is like any other women I know, you have officially been black balled and the best thing for you to do is move to another state all together. Because all the broads in this state know you are damaged goods.
As for Fornication, people let's be discreet. Learn to act properly so you can make it to the big leagues and get MARRIED. And if you are stuck in the minors for a little while, at least look a desirable replacement for one FELONIOUS ex major player. If you have already committed the felony of adultery, it is hard to redeem yourself. But hey, some owners are more forgiving then others, especially when you have little fans at home. They might just keep you around cause the stands are full. But if all you have is a cat or a dog, then kiss your majors contract goodbye.
p.s. I hope you are aware that when I said from the Latin, I meant it in jest. I am not THAT retarded. I do not speak Latin, but I know that much.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
My first blog...how eggciting!!
I can't say I have never blogged before, but you can't really consider MySpace a real bloggers place to begin with, right? So technically this is my first real blog. As if the other ones were fake. I always talked about the most randomest things in the world. And people were still interested and they subscribe to my blog. So I'm hoping the same will happen here and I become uber famous and well liked and praised and loved and spoken of with awe and admiration. LOL!!
It never hurts to think positive and with self love and self respect. Even if people don't like me, as long as they read me and talk about me. That's all that matters.
I found this blogging post completely by accident. My friend Connie, who just happens to be an exceptional Life Coach and Healer turned me on to this. Check her out at www.conniecosta.com She said, if I wanted some exposure then I should try this out. I love to write, read other peoples opinions and debate with people about the so called facts. I don't know if she has actually opened a can of worms. We are soon to find out, huh?
But you know, considering all the nonsensical and hilarious stuff I can think of to say on a daily basis, actually written down and for the world to see, not just a few choice friends who get to hear my rants, stupid jokes and funny similes. But whatever, I really only look to have lots of fun with this and meet great and fun new people.
If you are not fun then hang out with me for a while and I will turn you fun. Or at least make you laugh even if for a little bit.
Also, if you want me to talk about a particular topic or ask me a question that you would like to hear my answer to, feel free to drop me a line and I will indulge you. Although, I must warn you, you might not always like what you read, which is OK. I would love to hear your opinion as well.
So I can give you my two cent rebuttal. You might just wish you had never asked me, or just about die laughing. Whichever the case. I hope you enjoy my blogs.
I know I will enjoy blogging, because I enjoy talking.
I want to thank you in advance for taking the time to read this and any other posts I make.
Any feedback is greatly appreciated.
Have a wonderful, brilliant and happy day. No matter where you are or what time it is.
Take care!! I hope you're well....
JJ
It never hurts to think positive and with self love and self respect. Even if people don't like me, as long as they read me and talk about me. That's all that matters.
I found this blogging post completely by accident. My friend Connie, who just happens to be an exceptional Life Coach and Healer turned me on to this. Check her out at www.conniecosta.com She said, if I wanted some exposure then I should try this out. I love to write, read other peoples opinions and debate with people about the so called facts. I don't know if she has actually opened a can of worms. We are soon to find out, huh?
But you know, considering all the nonsensical and hilarious stuff I can think of to say on a daily basis, actually written down and for the world to see, not just a few choice friends who get to hear my rants, stupid jokes and funny similes. But whatever, I really only look to have lots of fun with this and meet great and fun new people.
If you are not fun then hang out with me for a while and I will turn you fun. Or at least make you laugh even if for a little bit.
Also, if you want me to talk about a particular topic or ask me a question that you would like to hear my answer to, feel free to drop me a line and I will indulge you. Although, I must warn you, you might not always like what you read, which is OK. I would love to hear your opinion as well.
So I can give you my two cent rebuttal. You might just wish you had never asked me, or just about die laughing. Whichever the case. I hope you enjoy my blogs.
I know I will enjoy blogging, because I enjoy talking.
I want to thank you in advance for taking the time to read this and any other posts I make.
Any feedback is greatly appreciated.
Have a wonderful, brilliant and happy day. No matter where you are or what time it is.
Take care!! I hope you're well....
JJ
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